MareMONUMENTAL Moments

(44) The End is Near

Sometimes it seems I keep running just to reach the end. It’s as if the immediacy of the finish somehow outweighs the journey. That perspective, while it does occur, is not the one I wish to cling to. It speaks not of my heart, nor my steadfastness. It speaks more of comfort than conditioning and expedience over expectation. On both counts, I choose the latter. 

I want to take in the very marrow that lies at the heart of this journey and walk these strengthened bones to the ends of the earth. I want to capture every ounce of light that’s been shed and let it be the beacon that guides me home. I want so very much for 50 days not to merely represent a season, but the turning point of a life. 

I want to look back and see so much more than the finish line that consumes me now, but to see every moment that has built to this very climax. Let me keep running because there is so much more to be found. The prize lies not at the end of this race, but in all the moments that surround each race to come.

(43) An Interesting Parallel: Where Hope Meets Fear

“It’s all on the line.” A phrase I feel we most often hear it movies. It comes down to this climactic moment when one finds himself at a tipping point. Change is inevitable, no matter which way one tips, but it’s all riding on that point. 

It seems those moments of great change, that stare us in the eyes, come with a bold challenge. They pose us with the option of “all or nothing,” because in change, there really is no middle ground. We can find ourselves swept away, unprepared and unaware, or we can submit fully to the unknown that lies ahead. However, submission, I’ve come to realize, comes with great risk. 

It’s risky to let oneself go. It’s risky to surrender to the will of another. It’s risky to allow vulnerability to expose you. And it’s risky to do it all in pursuit of something “great.” Because great really isn’t easy. It’s not something you can just stumble upon. It’s more like the treasure that must be sought and fought for, and truly, that journey is a difficult one. 

So what then? I find myself at this place where it’s all on the line. I find that I’m allowing myself to hope, with a hope that goes beyond logic, and I’m afraid. Afraid of things falling apart. Afraid of not being enough to capture the great, and being left to unscramble the broken pieces before me. I’m afraid to stand vulnerable and exposed, yet I feel it happening. And so often I find myself secure and protected, but I also see a crippling fear creep in to draw me back to the familiar, to the “safe.” And fear, I find, is hardest to admit, because it means that I’m in this. It means I’ve invested myself and placed myself, along with everything else, on that line.

Great. That’s what I want. Because my heart doesn’t lie with average, it lies with extraordinary. Hope, meet fear. Meet it face on, then keep going. Keep hoping with all you have. Someday, we might unearth something pretty spectacular.

(42) Still Learning a Thing or Two

Sometimes I think there is so much to be learned in a prayer. Today, my prayer was this:

“Lord Jesus, I want to talk with you. I want to be a conversation that never ends, that never finds the conclusion of a period. I want only for commas, for a pause that holds us over for while. Lord, I fought for so long to know what it meant to hear you speak. I struggled with myself, with understanding how it looked to just “be” with you. And I know, now, your heart, the comfort of your voice, the intimacy of dwelling in your presence, and the way you long for me to come into your company. Again, Lord, I ask you to take me in—to draw me further into communion with you, into completion through you. Let us become one Father, so much so that without you I would cease to be.”

I see a heart that longs so much for more of the one that brings each beat. I see one that knows she hasn’t arrived, and more-so, never will. I see one that values the intimacy of relationship with her Heavenly Father, and wants still to get more lost in Him. I see a process, but within that process the hope that comes with forward motion. 

(41) Subtlety Led to Surrender

I think that I’ve been afraid to step out in the greatness of God. I’ve been afraid to put all of my faith and my assured declaration into the whispers of his calling. 

Perhaps, even, whispers and subtle glimpses at clarity in my eyes, may have been complete misinterpretations of his intent. It just may be that all along He was providing me piece after piece to this puzzle, and confirmation upon confirmation of extraordinary means of presentation. 

It seems now that I am faced with a stipulatory call. One to either take ownership of the inexplicable future ahead, or to remain idly hoping for it to find me. Tonight God reminded me, in so many ways, that I’m to live a life less ordinary. 

There’s something frightening about knowing the reality of it, really. About knowing that the God that spoke the heavens and earth into existence wants to shake your world into another dimension. Nothing about his plan is meant to be wrapped neatly in my box of understanding. Nothing about it would even be possible were I to go it alone. But in that, I want it all. I surrender and pronounce that I’m game. Let it be so Lord, and let my heart be for the heart of my King. 

Philippians 2:1-5:

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

(40) …Love is a Lifestyle

And if you really think it over, it truly is. One cannot pass in and out of love from one moment to the next, any more than one can change the season. There’s a time and a way about things. And it’s everything about that time and way that shapes us, that forms want the very fibers of our being. 

But to take a step back, and provide some context for my abrupt introduction, I will tell you what I’ve learned over the past few days. I’ve learned that in love, as in life, walking merely for the sake of walking is not enough, one has to walk to arrive.  I want to grow and move forward and find myself looking back at all the places I’ve stopped along the way, yet I find myself walking without purpose, direction, or cause. My steps seem aimless and sporadic and I’ve retrieved little from this stretch of the journey. No more shall that be my pattern, or my method of action.

I’ve also learned that it’s out of love and knowledge of the Father’s heart and character that we worship Him. As in earthly relationship, there are those public displays of affection that bring the world around you out of focus, leaving just the two of you present. It matters not who sees or what others even think, because in that moment it’s just the two of you. 

How perfect it is that our love, and our worship, can achieve or be exemplified in such a pure state. I find however, that the true task is to bring about the shift in our mentalities that love, or worship, is by definition not a distinguishable “moment” or “act”, rather a way of operating under the conditions that cause such love. We must come to the place in which every moment— every task—can be recognized, acknowledged, and attributed to him who beholds our love. I want my heart to be unchanging and my actions intentional, thus allowing myself to be fully and completely identified as His. 

Love, as I have said many times, is boundless. Limitless, abundant, unchanging, passionate, and true. Those attributes, those characteristics, aren’t known to be fleeting. They are steadfast and reputable. They come with daily dedication and discipline, and are perfected over a lifetime.

As such, Love is a lifestyle.

(39) Out Of This World Love

Love, in it’s purest and most true form, has no walls. It expects nothing but is open to everything. It is selfless and outward seeking. It sees no limit or boundary in it’s giving, and is genuine and pure in motive. It seeks to bring joy and life where there were naught, and needs no acclamation nor validation to give cause for its actions. It is marked by integrity and righteousness and wields incomparable power. Its author is divine in nature thereby marking it, in it’s wholeness, also divine in nature. Love knows no end.

I, human as I am, have yet to know that love. I’ve yet to let it rule my being, and flow so freely from all that I am. There is that part of me that wishes I would know more of the interior of a walled fortress, and to be protected thus. However, that want of protection against pain, fear, suffering, neglect, and even rejection, cannot keep the love that has been placed within me at bay. I cannot help but freely give that which I have known all my life, that which has been so freely bestowed upon me. 

There are those times when I wish it to know limitation and boundary, to draw lines and set stipulations, but all that’s within me knows not how to accomplish such a task. An I am reminded, HE knows no limits, no boundary or stipulation in loving me. He sets no bar through which I circumstantially receive his love and approval. He even gives when I overlook his presence and blessings completely, when I forget his devoted nearness to me. 

Why, then, would I seek to love less, when already my love cannot compare to that of its original intent and definition? Why would I, knowing the cost, lay down that gift that has been purchased at a high price for the sake of temporary comfort or ease? 

Well, why would I? Why would any of us? Why, when instead we can look more like Love each day?